Mollie's Journal

7:21pm: goodcheer

8:44pm: Friday - Sufjan Stevens
Saturday - Architecture in Helsinki
Sunday - Haircut, hopefully
Monday - Pi and Buffet Blowout

Yessss!

Another two hour block of 7th Heaven today. Yes.

Working on becoming more social.
I actually TALK to people in my chemistry class.
Whaaa!?




Hopefully the Degrassi season premiere can fit somewhere into this weekend...KARA.

8:46pm: Things are fine. I have three tests tomorrow. Today we started watching an episode of Ed in Major American Writers and the guy was talking about getting a crummy job just to buy pointless shit, and staying at that crummy job just to continue buying pointless shit..and all you have to do is cut the pointless shit out of your life and it's what I've been feeling for so long but I can't explain it. Nothing has made me so happy. Transcendentalism. I can't explain what it feels me with or how much it means to me, but I know it's the right thing. I knew when I read The Diamond in the Window in seventh grade. When I first heard of Emerson and Thoreau and how much I wanted to be friends with them. And Prince Krishna. I want to read that book again. It meant so much to me and I wonder if it will still have the same effect. I finally know I have something to believe in. It's all in my head right now and I am reading two books right now because I just can't stick with one. The Tipping Point and the Bell Jar. I really hope I can finish them. I really want to stop doing everything and just read all day because lately that has been one of the only things making me feel sane. Did you see it go right underneath me?

3:28pm: lonely lonely lonely lonely
rainy day

6:33am: A shift.

10:41am: it's been a bad day. just listened to jawbreaker, wondered what's wrong with me and stared in the mirror, waited so patiently for the end of the summer. just got my hopes up and dashed. i'm just sucker, i guess. it's so warm outside but i'm still sad. even on the best days in september. it's hard to find my piece of mind. i'd like to blame it on the weather. so disappointed to come home to this, i think i'll sleep on the roof tonight. counting sheep and a couple regrets as cars drive by. it's kind of hard to figure anything out, when people don't talk at all. i hate these bad days. i think i'll just skip town.

8:44pm: Today was the first day of my junior year.

9:39pm: I miss my stepbrothers.

8:10am: everytime i go away i feel like everyone is growing and having fun and forgetting about me. i feel like i'll come home and no one will know my name. is that weird? i'll be home this friday.

6:04am: Hello from Costa Rica.

10:39pm: I DON'T CARE ANYMORE
THIS IS IT AND THIS IS EVERYTHING SO I HAD BETTER STOP FUCKING AROUND
AND GET TO IT, WHATEVER IT IS AND I BETTER STOP CARING AND PRETENDING
IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE
EVERYTHING IS MAKING ME REALIZE EVERYTHING AND I'M HAPPY BEING ME AND BEING ME AND BEING ME
SO THAT'S THAT

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE LIVEJOURNAL FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER UNLESS SOMETHING EXTREMELY IMPORTANT HAPPENS

IT'S TIME TO STOP TALKING AND ACTUALLY DOING
GOODBYE!

one more thing...

3:34am: And I stay up all night walking through these houses I have grown to hate and my parents ask if I'm all right, I say "I've just been staying up too late." I need to sleep.

11:45pm: AHA LISTEN TO THE ENGINE WHINE!

10:03pm: Paul Simon was CANCELLED.
I went to the doctor for my tonsil and she said it just has an ulcer on it and it will heal on its own. Kara got me the Zombie Survival Guide and it's all I can think about. Sometimes I get the urge to hop on my bike and ride until I fall off or pass out.

Hour 23: Reanimation.

4:01am: Summer has been treating me pretty well so far.

4:48am: I stayed awake with Brian and Shaun again. I want to lay in the grass and ride my bike to get bagels for everyone but it's not even five yet. I'm trying to pass the time.

6:12am: Another all-nighter with Blunder, Brian, and Shaun. I feel really..whole.

9:29am: I couldn't stay up.

8:38am: I didn't sleep last night. Instead I watched movies! When 7am rolled around (or when Return of the King ended), I accomplished so much! Sort of? I put on the dishwasher, washed more dishes, got the mail, fed the animals, took our the recycling, washed the recycling bin, read through the Hunterdon Observer, made tea, cleaned the kitchen counters, straightened up the family room, let the dogs out, and now I started my laundry. All in an hour and 40 minutes! I'm never awake this early and it feels so good! Later this morning I'm going to ride my bike into Flemington to visit Rachel and Adam at work. And while I'm there I'm going to pick up an application for Basil Bandwagon. Then who knows?! I'm going to stay up all today, too. My short term goal is three nights and the long term is five. I've done five before, so I'm going to try for it again. I'm also going to pick up NoDoz pills at the drug store today to help me stay up.



FJsiofjweifjso I feel so good right now!

3:05am: I was going to write a 200 word essay about my dad to try and win us both pens. I never got around to it, and now it's too late. I know he won't care and that I shouldn't worry about it, but I feel like a failure.

1:14am: "We have a whole life to live together, you fucker, but it can't start until you call."

I wish I had a better memory. I wish I could remember eveerrryyythhhinnngnngngngngnsgisjgjfs

2:45am: There's a spider next to my computer. I'm not going to kill it because this summer means change. I hope that by sparing its life it won't crawl into my mouth when I'm sleeping! It's been raining for awhile. I hope July is better, weather-wise. People have been over my house nonstop since school has been out. I like it, but I need time to sit in my head and reflect. Introverted behavior is no way to spark a summer of change, but I just need the solitude. I want to lay out on the Sun Ridge poolhouse roof and look at the stars, because I don't appreciate them as often as I'd like. Ramble.

5:48pm: I did go to sleep last night, so that Lindsay wouldn't feel lonely. I was wide awake for over an hour because of zombies. I made myself physically sick (I actually started to throw up) thinking about zombies and what I would do in different scenarios, etc. What the hell is my problem. When I finally did go to sleep, I had a dream that I caught a hummingbird in my hands. I could feel its heartbeat on my palm, but I held it until it calmed down. Today I got contacts and new glasses.

12:20am: I don't want to sleep anymore. I feel like I'm wasting too much time, but I think I'm really just hoping for something great to come along. I don't want to miss out on anything. After reading Matt's journal I realized that I do the same thing...I go through my phonebook and see if there is anyone. There are people but I'm either too scared to talk to them or I don't want to wake them. How pathetic. I don't want to sleep anymore.
Someone stay up with me!

7:44pm: FINALLY! ZERO PIECES LEFT IN COLOR JUNCTION!